Spoiler Alert!
Warning: This article may contain quest spoiling information about Speedy Delivery.

If you don't want to take all the fun out of F.U., we suggest you turn back.
However, if you're ready to rip your hair out, you should probably read on.

Speedy Delivery
Side quest: Get the mattress from Mr. McSealy.
Mr. McSealy
Given By Mr. McSealy
Prerequisites Being a Zombie
Level 7-8
Location Bloodbath and Beyond
Rewards Worn Matress

Important NoteEdit

In order to get this quest, you will need to be zombified. But don't worry, you can become a zombie again by completing the Faunted's quest Z.E.L.L.O. (and then revert back to human form by talking to Mayor Brian.)


Mr. McSealy

"Hello to you, Madam/Sir," the pleasant old zombie greets you as you approach, "I am Mr. McSealy, may I be of some service to you on this beautiful day?"
Enter the tale of woe and anguish that is your sleeping conditions. While McSealy doesn't quite empathize with your desire to sleep (or do anything other than devour flesh), he does seem willing to negotiate the release of the pristine mattress in question.
"I desire to get out and about in this neighborhood of ours. However, all its residents seem to keep their doors locked. All I want to do is eat their brains... it's not unreasonable. If you could provide me with a number of Skeletal Keys, say five, I'd be willing to give you this soft rectangle thing."
Sacrifice a few citizens for some better sleeping conditions? OK!
"Oh, and Lass/Lad," adds Mr. McSealy, "I'm rather peckish - try to make it a speedy delivery."



On Delivering the KeysEdit

You plop the keys into McSealy's cold, dead hands. He brings them to his nose and sniffs them in the creepiest way imaginable.
"Ah, delicious entry! This will simplify my maurauding considerably, <name>, and for that I thank you. Although..."
McSealy ponders for a moment before continuing.
"It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to let the only person who knows my insidious plans just run off, now does it? I EAT YOU!"

Enter the Bullies!Edit

Cookie Gang
Just as you're about to lay the final blow on this villainous zombie, who should show up but the infamous Cookie Bandits! They bully their way between you and McSealy, who slinks off, leaving the mattress behind.
The ringleader says, "Remember us, <name>?"
Oh yes. Oh yes you do.
"We're taking this mattress for US," he yells. "You got a problem with it, meet us in the Townshire Junkyard and we'll...negotiate." And off they run, mattress in tow.

Meet the Cookie Gang in the JunkyardEdit

A New Challenger Approaches!
"Hey Poopface."
The ringleader pats your still-pristine mattress. "She's a beauty, ain't she? Listen up kid. We invented a sport that we like to call Mattress Slalom - a high-speed downhill race from the top of the Townshire Junkyard heap to the bottom."
Of course you did.
"So...we'll let you have her back. But ONLY if you'll agree to race us. Whaddya say?"
>>> You've got yourself a race!
Challenge Accepted!
The gang whoops and yells at the thought of a proper race and they toss the mattress in your direction.
"As a newbie, <class>, you're gonna want to find a sponsor to get your racer in order. I'm sure one of those lame teachers on campus could help you out. Meet us back here when you're ready to RACE."
You find a Brand New Mattress!


Speak to Professor Jamie "Savage" Adam (you may need to clear a daily quest from him first)

Exhausted by the long haul across Elanthia, you drop the mattress in the middle of Asplode Hall. The Professor knows exactly why you're there.
"Mattress Slalom! I know all about it - those hooligans didn't 'invent the sport'. In fact, I was quite the inner-spring enthusiast in my young days as well. Yep, they called me the Townshire Trash Tornado! Now that I think about it, that might have been an insult. Well we're gonna show them! I've got the perfect schematic in mind for you, <name>!"
Jamie jams a crude steering-mechanism into the once untarnished mattress. You die a little bit inside. "Gonna need some tires - grab those for us, and I'll be here working on the secret weapon."
You have lost Brand New Mattress!
-->Adventure in the Townshire Junkyard until you find 4 spare tires.

On completion,

"Now we're rolling, <name>! If you want, check out the Boomlab to see our progress! Let's see, what else do we need?

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Spoiler Alert!Edit

"Of course you're going to need a spoiler for your Mattress Racer, for drag, resistance, and other science terms. The Detentionkeeper and I go way back - he was part of my racing pit crew. Now he has a pit crew of his own!"
"He's the one to see about a spoiler. I'll keep tweaking the secret weapon.

The DetentionkeeperEdit

Spoiler Tags, Please
The Detentionkeeper grunts in your direction as you enter his office. Despite your sudden bout of quaking knee syndrome, you muster up the will to explain why you're there.
"You searching for spoiler?"
You nod.
"Here is spoiler," the Detentionkeeper reaches out with his massive arm.
"Miranda and Maynard represent factions that are at war."
>>> No, seriously. I need a spoiler for my Mattress Racer.
Spoiler Tags - Seriously!
"Spoiler for Mattress Racer?" The Detentionkeeper wrinkles his forehead. "Ah. I have that."
The Detentionkeeper reaches into his desk drawer, ripping its handle off in the process. He comes back up with a piece of paper.
"Professor Jamie "Savage" Adam used to be a Mattress Racer in his youth."
What?! Those aren't even good spoilers! You take the paper he produced (deciding not to tell him there's NOTHING written on it) and scribble a rough image of what you need.
"Mmm. Ok."
>>> I. Need. That.
The Detentionkeeper eyeballs the image you drew. With a surprising amount of precision, he smashes a hole in the wall and rips out a two by four, splits the board into halves - with his teeth, and impales a piece of cardboard onto the ends of the boards.
"This will work."
It wasn't a question.
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Icon spoiler You find a Rear Spoiler!
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On delivering the spoiler to Professor Adam,

"A little flimsy, but it should be fine," Jamie says as he staples the spoiler to your Mattress Racer. "I've got just one more thing I need you to pick up for this..."
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Fueling UpEdit

"Tires? Check. Spoiler? Check. Ok - need some gas to really make this puppy run."
Fuel? For a mattress? I like where this is going.
"Yep, pick up some gas and I'll put the finishing touches on the secret weapon. Feel free to check out our creation so far in the Boomlab, it's coming along nicely."
>>> Find fuel!
Note: The can of gas is at the "Full Service Gas Station" at Pleasanton it may take a while to get (took me 50 adventure points) but it is there. The item's name is "Gas Can".

Secret Weapon?Edit

Mattress with Wheels Spoiler and Rocket Booster

On returning with a can of gas from the gas station in Pleasanton

"Fuel? Check. Alright <name>, it's time to unveil the secret weapon."
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"It's all hooked up, and waiting for you in the Boomlab, <name> - check it out! Then take that lean-mean mattress machine to the Junkyard and show those bullies what's what! Do me proud, Lass!"

If you check in the bomb lab

Your Mattress Racer
Is that... is that a ROCKET ENGINE? Oh, hell yes.
Not quite a secret weapon. Actually it's pretty much as overt as it gets. However, this should definitely give you the edge in your grudge match. Alright Cookie Bandits - prepare for vengeance!

The RaceEdit

Mattress race 1
Reluctantly Crouched at the Starting Line
The Cookie Gang walks up to you as you steer your contraption to the starting line. "Whoa there - that's a SWEET ride. Doesn't matter though - you're still going down!" Feeling threatened, the Gang Leader approaches you with bravado to spare. "In fact, how about we make this more interesting? Winner takes home the loser's ride."
On one hand, your Mattress Racer is way better than theirs in every way. On the other hand, he might call you names and hurt your feelings.
Bet accepted.
Both parties retreat to their racers. The gang leader shouts out, "On three, we go. One... two..."
With that, the biggest of the gang members leaps from his racer to yours! Both racers start down the hill... defend yourself!
>>> This isn't even a little bit safe.

Defeat the Cookie Bandit

Mattress race 2
The Science! It Works!
You toss the defeated Cookie Bandit from your Mattress Racer, and begin to gain ground on the remaining three gang members. The leader shouts over his shoulder, "you might as well pull over... you've already lost, pipsqueak!"
Pipsqueak? You adjust your spoiler and fly down the hill. It's working! You're neck and neck with the other racer!
Frantically, the gang leader shouts to one of his cohorts, "don't just sit there! Stop that racer!"</div>
>>> Incoming!

Defeat the next Cookie Bandit

Mattress race 3
Stop in the Name of Love!
The defeated Cookie Bandit rolls from your Mattress Racer into a pile of nearby refuse, letting you once again focus on the race. The female gang member stands to watch him trail off in the distance.
As you again near your opponents, she gives you a stern, yet teary-eyed stare.
"NOOOOO! I LOVED HIM!!!" cries the heart-wrenched hooligan.
With that, she springs from her perch on the Bandits' racer and hurls herself onto your racer. Here we go again!</div>
>>> Round Three. Fight!

Defeat the Cookie She-Bandit

Mattress race 4
Kicking Tires and Lighting Fires
As the third gang member tumbles from your Mattress Racer, you rededicate your focus to winning this race. No time to stop and think about how insanely huge this Junkyard hill must be.
It's down to just you and the Cookie Gang leader - mano a mano. ONE ON ONE. ADDITIONAL DRAMATIC BUILD UP.
He's got a pretty good lead on you at this point... which means there's only one thing to do.
It's secret weapon time.
>>> Rocket Ignition Activate!
Mattress racer rocket activated
Smoking the Bandits
You fire up Professor Savage's contraption, which, like many of his other creations results in actual fire. Flames spew from the engine's rear, and propel your Mattress Racer to a blistering speed. You storm down the Junkyard hill, and surpass the last remaining Cookie Bandit just prior to the finish line!
Victory is yours!
A victory at a cost, however. As you leap off of your vehicle, the rocket bursts, consuming what's left of your Mattress Racer in a fiery inferno.
As the smoke clears, you spot the leader of the Cookie Bandits aggressively advancing in your direction. </div>
>>>> Bring it on, punk!
A truce... for now.
"Put down your weapon, I ain't here to fight. Those were some nice moves on the hill - and a deal's a deal. My racer is yours."
Well, it isn't exactly what you had in mind, but almost any mattress is better than the one you've got in your dorm right now. You take the racing parts off of the Cookie Gang's racer, and leave them in the junkyard near the wreckage of your own.
Truly this was a good day.
Take this mattress to your dorm room to use - it is a bed upgrade that increases the effectiveness of resting in your dorm!
You find a Worn Mattress!


Experience 130 & Fubars 115

Lost Brand New Mattress (Quest Item)

It's a new mattress set! From McGuffin Industries comes a queen-size intercoil double-precision comfort mattress. Dream your cares away as you drift to sleep! This package is worth, 3000 fubars!

Worn Mattress (Dorm Room Item)

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Icon old mattress You find a Worn Mattress!
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