Spoiler Alert!
Warning: This article may contain quest spoiling information about Defense Against the Culinary Arts.

If you don't want to take all the fun out of F.U., we suggest you turn back.
However, if you're ready to rip your hair out, you should probably read on.

Journal quest stamp fu

This is a FU quest

Defense Against the Culinary Arts
Time to take out the trash.
Top chef
Clean Out the Kitchen of Foul Repute
Given By The Top Chef
Prerequisites Complete "A Friend In Need"
Location Forbidden Larder
Rewards 130 XP; 105 Fubars; L7 U2 V8 (x2); Oodle of Noodles (x2)
Previous Next
This is the beginning of the quest line. Nutrition Suspicion

The Top chef will ask you to go and visit with The Janitor (who for those who can't tell is a reference to The Janitor from Scrubs).


As you enter the Forbidden Larder, a man with a chef's toque and a spatula glares at you. A school bell goes off above your head as the door swings shut.
"Take a seat, new kid," the chef sneers. "I'm the Top Chef, and, it is my obligation to educate you on all matters culinary. Under my tutelage, you will learn the finest recipes the land has to offer. However, before you walk you must learn to crawl.
"Lesson one: taking care of the &#@! kitchen. It's absolutely damned filthy after yesterday's 'experiment' and nothing I do seems to have any &#@! effect in there. I'll grant you full access to my kitchen if you find a way to clean it up."
"Maybe the Janitor knows a way to combat the monste... err... stains."
Wait. What?

Time to take out the trash.

Got It!

Returning to The Top Chef Before Finishing the QuestEdit

Through a thick layer of disdain, the Top Chef mutters, "I can smell the kitchen from here. It's not clean."



Diabolical Dungeons.Edit

The Dimly Lit WandererEdit

Dimly lit wanderer
As you wander the dungeon, a voice suddenly says, "Ooooh! I'm a scary mo-o-onster!"
You spin around to see a guy in a robe with a flashlight shoved under his chin.
"Ooooh!" he says, clicking it on.
"Oooooh!" He clicks it back off.
"Oooh!" On. "Oooh!" Off.
He keeps doing this. With every click, he looks a whole lot less spookier, and a whole lot more desperate.

You have 2 options:

> Beat him with his own flashlight.Edit
Off in a Flash
You spin and stomp over to the Wanderer, reaching for his flashlight with murderous intent blazing in your eyes. The Wanderer shrieks, drops his flashlight, and dashes off like a crazy man. Which, in point of fact, he is.
The flashlight rolls along the grimy floor. In the distance, you can hear the Wanderer shrieking as he loses himself in the dungeon.

Icon spooky flashlight You find a Spooky Flashlight!

> Ignore him. He's probably just as scared of you as you aren't of him.Edit
Ignore Him is Bliss
"Hey!" the Wanderer says, following you. "But...I'm scary!"
You walk faster, ignoring him as hard as you can. His whines and protests are starting to fade when you hear a short, sharp shriek -- followed by blessed silence.
You head back to where the Wanderer was. All you find is a shredded robe, a flashlight, and a pool of blood. Looks like someone else decided not to ignore him.

Icon spooky flashlight You find a Spooky Flashlight!

Janitor's ClosetEdit

Without a FlashlightEdit

This means not getting the flashlight or forgetting to equip it.

A Dark Closet
Janitor puzzle dark room
As soon as you enter the closet, you can plainly see that...well, that you can't see anything! If only there were some mystical device you could bring in here to shed light on this mystery! Or, you know...a flashlight.

With a FlashlightEdit

The Janitor
You approach the Janitor as you would approach a rabid, wounded raccoon - cautiously.
The Janitor's eyes widen, "if you see a rabid, wounded raccoon, catch him for me - I'm making soup and a lamp."
Unsure of if or how he knew about the narration, you explain the situation in the kitchen.
"Yeah, I've got just the thing for that, but it's being used by Vandell right now. Little punk, always griming up my walls. Get the cleaner from him - it'll be a lot easier to clean up whatever's waitin' for you in that kitchen."

Go track down Vandell!

Leaving The Janitor's ClosetEdit

After speaking with the Janitor and leaving, you will be confronted be the Grafreeti, a graffiti-genie. He offers a choice: let him take care of the vandal Vandell and he will give you the cleaning supplies (the apparently easy choice), or reject his help. If you choose the former, you still have to find Vandell at the Graffiti Wall in the Student Union, who has met a grim fate. If you choose the latter, the genie will threaten to come back for you later, and you still go to find Vandell at the Graffiti Wall.

The GrafreetiEdit

Smoke surrounds you as you make your way out of the janitor's closet. Suddenly, a floating red being forms in front of you.
"Hello, <name>. I am the great and powerful Grafreeti. I am here to make you an offer. You have not, nor will you ever have a friend like me."
Holy crap it's a genie! You try to decide whether you want the ability to fly or invisibility first, but the Grafreeti quickly dashes your hopes.
"I don't do that. Nor do I sing. I, the great and powerful Grafreeti, have a grudge against this Vandell you seek. His repeated marring of public walls has incurred my wrath, and this seems to be the perfect chance to show him my true power."
"I have to be wished to do so, thus I leave the option to you. Choice one: I will find Vandell, destroy him a little, and retrieve the cleaning supplies you seek. Choice two: I leave scorned and unavenged. Did I mention I'm great and powerful?"

Throw Vandell under the bus and move on!Edit

"Your wish is my command, <class>."
Funny, it wasn't his command when you wanted invisibility. Hmph.
"It is done. Here are the cleaning supplies you seek. Vengeance is mine with the one known as Vandell."
"I will see you again, young one. We seem to make a good team, you and I."
With that, the smoke around you dissipates and the Grafreeti is gone, for now. Hmm... you hope nothing too horrible happened to that kid. For closure's sake, you should check it out.
3 Slice loot gui top
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Icon mr sheen You find some Mr. Sheen!
3 Slice loot gui xp fubar
> Go look for the kid!


Vandell trapped
A small crowd is gathered outside the office, staring at an outer wall. You push your way to the front, only to see a life-sized representation of a student painted in bright neon white and black.
It looks an awful lot like the boy who was out here before, magically grafted to the very wall he was defacing just moments ago.
You hear the Grafreeti's voice fading into the aether, "Vandell now knows - you can't spell paint without pain."
Forge on, brave soldier - you've pots to scrub.

I can't do it! Oh the guilt. It burns!Edit

Grafreeti vandell
The Grafreeti's eyes are fixed upon you.
Uh-oh. As you prepare yourself for battle with an apparently all-powerful being, you think to yourself that you probably should have eaten breakfast this morning. To your surprise, the Grafreeti leaves through the door, but not before leaving you with an ominous last word.
"I will remember this day, runt. When you least expect it, I shall return TO DESTROY YOU."

Okay! Let's go find that kid!

Quest CompletionEdit

"Well done, Lass/Lad! I hereby grant you full access to my kitchen, and all that lies within - including my infamous Culinary Cauldron!"
The Top Chef noshed on his apple with an unapoloogetic leer in your direction. "I'm worried about your diet, <class>. I can literally smell the rancid foods that you've been craying around with you lately. What is that- rotten olive loaf? Disgusting."

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3 Slice loot gui middle
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Icon L7 U2 V8 You receive 2x L7 U2 V8!
Icon oodles of noodles You receive 2x Oodle of Noodles!
3 Slice loot gui xp fubar
Next: Nutrition Suspicion


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