- It's a Crankmas Miracle!
- St. Atham hands you the poster. You can't wait to put this up in your room!
- "I'm sure this is just what your assuredly piss-poor excuse of a room needs." St. Atham chuckles. "Now get back to crackin' skulls!"
- The Night Before Crankmas
- 'Twas the night before Crankmas, when all through F.U.,
- Not a student was studying, even though it's a school.
- The kevlar was worn by the students with care,
- In fear that St. Atham soon would be there.
- The students were huddled all scared in their dorm,
- While visions of violence could be seen in good form.
- When down in Townshire, there came such a boom,
- Even Prof. Adams poked his head out of his room.
- Down in the Mean Streets, with flames burning bright,
- Gangs of thugs were rioting all through the night.
- And just when everything seemed lost to despair,
- A cold, gritty voice rang out through the air.
- "About your health or your safety, I don't give a crap!
- I'm here to kick ass and gain levels, and I've just hit the cap!"
- It was a crazy, bald man in a bitchin' car-sleigh!
- "I'm St. Atham, you tossers! And there's hell to pay!"
- And in less than a second, with no time to wait,
- He revved his engine and called to his cylinders eight;
- "Now, Basher! Now, Smasher! On Shocker and Toxin!
- On, Combat! on, Boomstick! on, Rocker and Boxin'!"
- With a gun in his hand, he charged into the fray,
- And proceeded to blow all the baddies away.
- The last thing I heard, as he ran down some elves,
- Was, "Merry Crankmas, you wankers! You can go @#$% yourselves!"
Dorm Room Item
Use in your dorm room to change your Poster.
- Nothing says 'holiday cheer' like a the arm of a strung-out adrenaline junkie clutching a makeshift weapon!
Note: This will replace any existing poster